Thursday, February 2, 2012

Feelin' like DEATH!!!

Crafting is my outlet. So what happens when you are sick as a dog and have no energy to do anything even the things you love?? Ooh ooh pick me...I know!! You feel miserable and on top of it I still have to go to work. BOO!!! First let me just thank my sweet kids, the fruit of my loins, the apples of my eye for giving me the plague. I love everything they make for me at school except when it includes deadly mutating germs. Ok so I lied I don't really love everything they make for me at school. Who really wants construction paper with glitter glued to it?? FYI Teachers glitter doesn't stick to glue!!!!!! What it does stick to is every inch of the interior of my car, my butt and for some odd reason my upper lip. Here's how you can tell when you have glitter on your upper lip: People can't stop starting at your upper lip while you're talking because it keeps shimmering. Either that or it's time to go get my lip waxed again. God I'm a hairy beast! But that's a post for another time when I feel compelled to tell you all about how a boy started calling me "Wolfie" in elementary school and I've been paranoid ever since. TRUE STORY!!

So my kids gave me this lovely present that requires a lot of tissue. And this isn't the dainty I'm lightly blowing my nose because I'm a girl and we don't do disgusting things. This is full on flock of geese honking happening here. So feminine, right?? No?!? Well how about when I throw in the old smoker congested hacking?? BINGO!! Nailed it!! I love being a girly girl. I have a lot of crocheting to do but feel like the walking dead. I'm actually pretty excited and can't wait for this sickness to move on and infect someone else - preferably anyone at work that annoys me. It will be nice to get a break from know who you are!!

My crochet to do list is as follows:

iPhone sleeves
Baby beanies - for photo props in exchange for good pictures
Spongebob Hat for one of the attorneys at a firm my company uses. He wants it for his son. I found a great pattern and can't wait to start. Here's what it SHOULD look like when I'm done. Pretty cool, huh?

So that's what I'm working on right now. Crocheting takes a while so unfortunately I can't know these out as quickly as I would like, but it's ok. Now to figure out a way to organize my ever growing yarn collection. It's getting scary. Which reminds me I need to go buy some more. Hee hee!! I need the light brown for Spongebob's pants...his Squarepants that is. Bazinga!!

I also didn't get to do a lot of crocheting last night due to the fiasco that happened last night. So I mentioned I was sick, right? The last thing I need is a FIASCO, but that's just what I got. My husband wanted to go get dinner last night so I got the kids ready and was going to pick him up from his pet store. So I opened the car door for the kids, shut it and started walking around to my door when all of a sudden it happened. Horrible pain all over my feet. I literally kicked my shoes off into the driveway and started freaking out. ANTS!!! I had stepped in an ant pile. So I open the car door only to find my kids starting to scream, not just any screaming but horror movie screaming. I start frantically trying to get all the ants off of my son who apparently got them the worst. We're all screaming and he starts yelling/crying that he wants to go in the house. No big deal to grant him that wish, right?? WRONG!!!! That would be how it would go for the Cleaver's, NOT ME!! So I forgot to mention that I had previously given my new housekeeper my key and had to run by my husband's store to get his since I've been to busy/lazy/sick to make a copy. Therefore, I don't have the key on my ring I was just holding a loose key when I locked the door to leave. Well in all the chaos of me getting eaten and my kids having complete meltdowns I did something with the key and now, WHEN I DESPERATELY NEED IT, I can't remember what I did with it. Did I drop it in the ant pile? Did I put it in my purse? Did aliens abduct it?? WHO KNOWS!! Well I can tell you who DOESN'T know....ME!!! NOT GOOD!! My kids are standing at the front door and my son is screaming hysterically in a voice I have never heard before "I want to go inside!! I want to go inside!!" So I'm taking EVERYTHING out of my purse....NO KEY!! It's dark so I can't see in the grass. Finally, I do something that is a NO NO!! I have a meltdown myself and start crying front of my kids. This only makes them cry more. "Oh no Mommy is crying, we must be dying now" are the thoughts that my kids must be having. Oh and did I mention that in the middle of all of this I have called my poor husband to say in a horrified voice (with the kids screaming in the background) "COME HOME NOW!!!!" I can't even imagine what he thought was happening.

For some random (but God sent) reason there was a flashlight in my car. I searched in the car and realized I had dropped the key between my seat and the center console. Hooray!! It's only been 10 minutes. I'm sure the neighbors have already called the police to report me for attempting to murder my children. What else would explain all this hysteria?? So my husband walks in to find me on the floor in a fetal position crying for being the worst mother in the world and the kids are on the couch crying because they have now realized they have the worst mother in the world. This is very clarifying moment in my house. Poor kids. So Nathan walks in and starts asking what has happened. I can only assume he thought someone had broken in and was trying to kill us. Oh, did I mention that I still had my shoes in the driveway?? I'm sure that looked like a crime scene. Guaranteed he walked in adrenaline pumping.

No honey it's just your wife having a meltdown!! So he threw the kids in the tub just in case there were any ants left of them and then proceeded to soak our front and back yard with ant killer. That's my knight in shining armor!! By this time though I was soaked from tears and horrible sweating!!!

The moral of the story?? Never leave my house without the key on the keyring. I'm sure there are other morals but I'm starting to sweat and tear up again after now reliving those moments so that's all I can come up with right now.

Stay Safe there are ants EVERYWHERE!!

1 comment:

  1. Oh. Mah. Gawd. I'm crying just reading your story. Big fat tears while I laugh hysterically. Bwahahahahahaaaaaa.

    Heeeee heeeee hooooooooo, hahahahahaha.

    I love you girl. :)